Heterosexual Privilege

Walking through campus here at UW Oshkosh (and I am sure on nearly any other campus across the United States, or, in all reality, nearly every city in the United States) on notices an incredible amount of public displays of affection (PDA).

Really, it's rather sickening. Of all of the privileges I have (unfortunately they exist) as a white male, I also lack many as a (mostly) gay male (a 5 on the Kinsey scale). For the short durations of my relationships, if I were to even consider holding my boyfriend's hand, that could get me in a world of hurt. While UW Oshkosh is relatively liberal compared to some schools, there are still those that feel threatened by same-sex couples; some feel so threatened that they would even revert to violence. This is, sadly, not an unheard of event on our campus, nor many others. Just a couple years ago when the civil union vote was on the ballot, a friend of mine was literally chased through campus, just for being gay.

While I found out about that only after I came out, in hindsight, I both reveled and hated the fact that I was not out. Reveled because I was safe, hated myself for not being out because, A) I was not being true to myself, and B) I am a tough guy, and I can handle myself, as well as stick up for others. But this leads us back to that big question about heterosexual privilege. The LGBTQ community lacks so much of this wonderful privilege granted to the straight community.

PDA, is the biggest example of this privilege. Any heterosexual couple can gladly walk down the street holding hands, stopping to kiss each other, or flirting with each other without skipping a beat. Change one of those sexes to match the sex of the other, and you're in a whole new ball park. People stare. Being in that situation, most certainly, you feel uncomfortable. Aside from that, at times, you can even feel fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of emotional scars, fear of being attacked.  These feelings are generally unknown to heterosexual couples. This in and of itself is a privilege, not having to feel these terrible emotions on a practically day-to-day basis. While there are SAFE (Student and Faculty for Equality) zones across our campus, not every campus has this.

Here is another example of privilege. This can be in high school, it can be in middle school, and yes, it can even exist in college. Anytime there is a dance, be it in a bar, in a school gymnasium, or in a second-party location, there is more and more heterosexual privilege being used. God forbid that I bring my (non-existent) boyfriend to one of these dances. If we danced how we would at a gay club in public like that! We would be shunned, ridiculed, or even worse, attacked. Again, there is a fear factor.

I will say this, however. There is a privilege that the Queer community has that the heterosexual community does not. And that privilege is a community. While some may argue that there is a straight community (and in many ways, there is) it is certainly different than the Queer community. Within the queer community, there is just sheer acceptance (although this is far from the truth in the great Queer community, the Queer community at Oshkosh is different, heck, maybe even unique). I heave met some of the best people, just by being a member. Coming from all walks of life, and each having their own identities provides the community with a unity that the heterosexual community does not have. It is a unity that can only happen with a relatively small group of people. It's indescribable.

I have a statement to make to end this blog post.

For those who will boldly stand out in a crowd (I am now this way, but was not always), I applaud you, and will stand by your side. For those of you who are not comfortable doing that, but are comfortable being out, I will stand by your side. And most importantly, for those of you still in the closet, I will always stand by your side. I understand that there is safety in the closet, trust me, I do. But I want you to understand this; while there may be struggles and hardships coming out, there is always a place for you in our community. I was once in the closet, and I will never go back in, regardless of how much privilege I would regain. I encourage you to find someone who you know will accept you, come out to them! If you cannot find anyone, e-mail me! I will support you in every way I know how to. (e-mail is rojaha54@gmail.com). This statement goes out to everyone. Come out as a straight ally, come out as a Gender Anarchist! Come out as Sex Positive! (Thank you Kate Bornstein). Just, "come out, come out, where ever you are!"